Saturday, 17 February 2007

Under Siege!

As I sit here with my trusty can of flyspray I'm beginning to wonder if there was a declaration of war that I was not properly informed of. Kind of like Pearl Harbour, only in this case it's a matter of Me versus The Insects. Mosquitoes, Bees, Wasps, Fleas that just wont die. They all seem to be on a mission to attack and irritate me beyond all reason.

I think the mosquitoes started it, causing multiple facial deformities in the form of blood-sucking bites. No warning at all! And I was red and lumpy for days, which is never a good look.
Then there must have been a coalition formed with the fleas that just won't die. Because no matter how many times I use flea shampoo, sprays, and collars the fuckers just won't just piss off. I'm beginning to think that cheap supermarket pest control is a bad idea, they're resilient this lot. Though they had better not go celebrating their victory too soon, because they haven't yet experienced the joys of Advantage Flea Control products. Expensive stuff, but that will nuke the bouncy little bastards into oblivion. But unfortunately my war funds are low, so for the moment we're having a stand-off, me with my supermarketbug killing product, them with their defiant refusal to just bloody die already.

I've been having better luck with the Bees and Wasps, who seemed to team-up and join the insect Axis of Insect Evil a few days ago. These tiny flying terrorists have taken to finding their way into the house to terrorize me on average of three times a day. Sometimes it's a brief excursion, flying in just long enough to scare me witless, managing to evade the flyspray. At first I was unaware of their nefarious plans, so many got away unscathed before I could even find the flyspray. I never do remember where I put things. But I'm quickly becoming adept in the art of war, and now sit with the flyspray next to me, waiting patiently for the next raid. On Tuesday I killed six, so 3/4 of a can of flyspray later I'm running low on supplies but counting my victories.

But what I think I really need is some Weapons of Mass Destruction, so I can engage in a little genocide.
After all, a little genocide is no big deal if they started it. Right?

No comments: